On a part of my skin on my lower abdomen there is no feeling anymore, it is numb. Because of emergencies and policies it was from there, a horizontal cut across the bikini line, that all my four children emerged. Before I knew better I felt as if I had never actually given birth to my children. As if they were just taken from me.
As I live I understand that in most things, emotions, decisions, relationships each whole holds itself and its opposition. Energy-apathy, desire-nausea, love-hatred each hold seeds of the other. My skin is numb, it has no feeling but my skin also holds every intense emotion I have for my children, the feel of them, the feeling of carrying them inside, the everlasting connection, fierce love and desire for their well being. The lost feeling in my skin is the sacrifice I made for that.