Social Media, Serendipity and Self-Compassion

cliffwalk142While social media has many drawbacks including its skewed version of reality that can sometimes make us feel inadequate, it can offer up a whole lot of support (which it did, in my last post, and a heartfelt thanks to all of you who commented for that). Despite it’s obsession with cats, it can sometimes offer us a completely different animal to admire and it can also educate, inform and offer wonder and consolation as we serendipitously come across fascinating and helpful articles and links. At times it’s algorithms can be suspect and constricting but at other times it can offer us truly human connection and insights.

From my last post you’ll know that my tank has been on empty and some of the challenges have not gone away. So it was timely that I found a helpful post today on Facebook from Estrella Azul, a lady that I have made the acquaintance of online through our involvement with #FridayFlash. Her exchanges with me and her work on the Friday Flash website have always been very thoughtful, industrious and kind. Today she has posted about an ongoing project that she is involved with – a set of 52 (weekly) assignments that focus on nurturing and uplifting the self. This week’s assignment Estrella explains is on ‘practising pleasure “doing what you do – creating, reading, hiking, writing, dancing, singing, gardening, running, knitting, cooking, making friends, making art, making love – with everything you’ve got, savoring the experience, letting delight rearrange your insides”. The quote comes from the E-book of assignments 52-52-Love-Your-Wild-Self e-guide by Judy Clement Wall. Linking to Judy’s website from Estrella’s I see that she is interested in developing (wild) creativity, making art and the impetus is developing the self also by fearless love and living. The e-guide offers a weekly task to focus on caring for and bolstering ourselves. In her post on her Love Your Wild Self e-guide she says that “we live in a culture that celebrates a certain kind of martyrdom. We appreciate sacrifice and celebrate those who, day after day, put themselves last. I think this is especially true for women, upon whom we have heaped so many nurture-the-world expectations.”

While not so sure that our culture “celebrates martyrdom” and having seen, especially in the boom years the opposite case where greed and selfishness has often been institutionalized and rewarded, it is true to say that for both men and woman and particularly at certain phases of life juggling work and home issues people can lose sight of themselves. They forget the need for self-care and feel disillusioned. Something that is important to me and that I admire in others is open mindedness and compassion with regard to others. There is no celebrity so famous or public figure so powerful that they should be exonerated from treating others with consideration and respect. And the same for the rest of us. But at times it is ourselves we lack compassion for, we are perfectionists or at least believe that if we cannot solve life’s problems or ‘cope’ continuously then we have somehow failed. Yes, I’m talking about myself but we all set ourselves impossible standards especially in these times when we are led to believe that our efforts and our positive thinking alone can make us succeed (not taking into account, luck, circumstance, economy, the state of the publishing industry etc). Judy Clement Wall talks about self-compassion and in turn links us to Jill’s blog which has the tag line life is beautiful and brutal, tender and terrible – keep your heart open. Jill compiled a self-compassion e-book filled with reader’s posts on how they practised self-compassion. The self-compassion pdf is free to download.

Judy’s weekly assignment 52-52-Love-Your-Wild-Self e-guide is available to download from Etsy for roughly 15 dollars/euro. Along with Estrella I’m going to give it a go and use the assignments as a structure for seeing myself again and strengthening my spirit and energy. We know to exercise to get our bodies in shape, why not a similar program for the mind?

In my last post I said that my head was under water. I felt adrift and overwhelmed, sorry that I couldn’t post on this blog under ongoing trying circumstances. So many responded and emphathized and shared their own struggles and that in itself helped refill the well. This morning I was able for the first time in many months to do an hour (ish) of writing at my favourite 5am slot. So down, but not out. And I’ll keep posting other consolations I find along the way of self-compassion, those things that we can learn from and enjoy.

Head Under Water

The purpose of this blog for the many years it has been running was always to try and support others in their journey through writing and life and to help engender creativity alongside life’s challenges. This mission, alongside my own writing was of great importance to me and made me feel as if I was contributing something, helping others. Sadly some very difficult circumstances, some of which have been at play for some years and other pressures that are more recent or have become more acute in recent times have got the better of me. I have an exciting project in train but at the moment I have not got the mental or emotional space to work on it. Similarly, although it is my hope and wish to make my blog and Facebook page a source of inspiration and support, I must pause for a while until the issues alleviate. These are real world challenges as well as the stress that goes along with dealing with them. I suppose there is no shame in admitting that once in a while we lose all verve and life, reality, family requires all remaining resources. What is difficult at this time is that my creativity and writing has sustained me through challenges before but in the current circumstances I can’t access that comfort. I hope things will turn around and that I’ll be able to engage with you all in the future.

Christmas gift of stories

I wanted to give you a gift. So I made Stories to make you go ‘ooh’ free for you to download on your Kindle, tablet, or computer through Kindle App. My Lover in a stone, The Singularity and the Octagonal House and Truth and Silence are strange tales of love and desire.

Free on Amazon UK http://www.amazon.co.uk/Stories-make-you-go-ooh-ebook/dp/B008ZYVTSK

Free on Amazon Com http://www.amazon.com/Stories-make-you-go-ooh-ebook/dp/B008ZYVTSK/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1419762085&sr=8-1&keywords=stories+to+make+you+go+ooh

If you enjoy them I have further books here or you can read extracts from work in progress and other completed stories here on Fictionaut.

Have a very Happy Christmas and New Year and always Happy Reading.

Extract from the loss of Anise Fish and her father (fiction)


In the book I’m working on next, Anise Fish’s mother died at her birth leaving an unresolved loss both in Anise Fish (which she fills, unusually) and in her father. I’m ordering the very splurgy first draft and found this passage of writing. The father spoken of here is Anise’s father although Colin’s Dad is mentioned at the start. (Note, this is an unedited splurge)

“Your mother was everything that was pure.”

Anise Fish nodded and nodded but Colin’s Dad wondered if it was true. In everyone- no exceptions – was a chink of darkness or an article of obstruction, stubbonness, pride. What were the foibles of Mother Fish? But this story, this particular tale, was the story they both needed to hear. This was the story that would be left in the library of their lives, and in their minds when libraries were gone and in the chemical traces of their bodies when their minds left them behind, and in their bones or the fire of their cremations at their last times. The story that said she was good and brave and true, joy embodied.

It was important that there was someone there to say, “this is who she was”, when so much of her life was not lived and they were there to keep on living, or – in the case of the father – breathing, somehow, standing in the stream of moments that came at him relentless. Her father’s grandfather had been a pastor, imbued with the wonder of living, this great life, chrysalis in the hands, butterfly in the bushes, the pale green shoots of April on the black branches forming, his grandfather showed him when he was young, very young, for the grandfather had moved along to death when he could barely remember. But these things he remembered, tadpoles in their universes, waiting to be freed, frogs croaking in damp ditches and leaping out of ponds, the sun sliding round an arc in the sky everyday and burning itself out at night, then round again in the mornings, dew and hares on the lawn, his grandfather bristle cheeked and linen clad, standing side to side, his old twisted fingers pointing, pointing at all these bare wonders. And in the warm happy cheek of Anise’s mother he had found that same wonder, that same joy, chased it liked the butterflies in his grandfather’s garden. She had brought all of it back.

Why your creativity matters like life itself

vangogh Why write, why create art of any kind? The discussion is eternal, rooted in evolution, culture, psychology and the individual makeup and desires of each one of you who do. We are rigged in the brain to tell stories, to make sense of things, to sing, dance and make art with various levels of abstraction. We, as humans are self-aware, we want a point, we search for meaning, we construct our lives around various values and mores. We know our lives are short, we, in the main, fear death. We look back to make sense, around now, 100 years after the First World War that, more than any conflict before, robbed humanity of it’s innocence, showed ordinary men and women the horror that could invade their lives, showed lives rubbed out way way before their time. All the letters from the front, the man who wanted to ask his love to get engaged and said so – in a letter that she would only receive ‘because I am dead’. This woman, who went on to have a different life with a husband, and children and grandchildren had the locket from her young soldier on her death bed aged 90, the life with him and his life never lived. These examples tear at us and, at times, galvanise us towards living every moment, to expressing what is real and true and dear to us through words. On a lighter note, to entertain, uplift, distract, we also are creative and playful in exploring what we love about life.

Yesterday I wrote about how taking part in a writing challenge like NaNoWriMo is an heroic act that helps us fulfill those deep seated wishes to make something more of our lives, to dig right in and express what is within us. There are so many ways to do it, through crafts, fashion, baking, sports, whatever you burn to do but, in the start, we must turn to those things and stick with them and try and try.

We don’t want to die without meaning. We want to do something that will live on. That is why this video from one of my favourite TV shows speaks to so many (in the last few days it has 40,000 shares on Facebook). (If you can’t see it, it depicts Van Gogh, having been brought forward in time, getting to see his legacy and the love people had for his art – a realisation that is utterly moving). This is the reason your artistic endeavor matters.

Three glorious, heroic reasons for you to do #NaNoWriMo when you can’t

If you are trying to fit writing into a busy life it might seem ridiculous to think you can write 50,000 words in a month but the NaNoWriMo writing challenge asks you to do just that. I’m writing here 5 days after the start so if you haven’t already signed up you’ll have some catching up to do. I’ve completed NaNoWriMo three times. It won’t get you a finished novel or anything like it but I’ll tell you what it is brilliant for and why you should consider doing it (or just doing your own version of it alongside the NaNoWriMers.)

1) Valour/Focus: It takes away all your excuses and faffing, you just have to sit down and churn out stuff. You’re life is full, it’s impossible but you’re going to do it anyway, to rise to the challenge in between the cracks of your life. And it works, words arrive and you need to experience the magic of that just to know it can come true. Now and in the future. You can keep doing this. A novel is not just for November.

2) Perseverance/Discipline. Writers, even the famous ones hate writing. With NaNoWriMo there’s a (metaphorical) stick over you. You must sit down every day, at a particular time if possible, you must clear the decks, you must do it and repeat, repeat, repeat for 30 days. You will not give up. After 30 days you might have got the idea that bums on seats and writing when you hate it is what it takes to be a writer. You ARE a writer. You have gone through fire for it! You have gained mastery and skill!

3) Rewards: You come out at the end with a whole heap of lovely money. Well not money but riches, yes, amazing stuff, writing made of risks and sparkle. Beautiful things you never would have written if you weren’t wrenching it from your gut, scraping the bottom of the barrel, digging right down into your own darkness and molten core. This is what YOU are made of, this is what YOU want to say, this is EVERYTHING YOU EVER WANTED TO SHARE WITH THE WORLD. (Later you can tone down the embarrassing bits, or not.) Publishers want to see, not crazy books but books with an edge, a heart, dripping and bleeding and a soul as deep as outer space. Write a novel. With NaNoWriMo you might almost kill yourself trying. but you’re a hero with a voice now shouting across the universe. (Meglamaniacal laugh.)

(If this war cry is not enough, I have some practical tips to help you ace NaNoWriMo here.)

If you’d like to receive occasional newsletters with links to key posts and info on courses and resources, sign up here, my lovelies. Or like Head Above Water on Facebook for a daily dose of inspiring links.

Halloween Boot Camp: How to get your kids to do jobs & think they’re having fun


Just thought of a great way of making money. Charge my own kids €65 euro each for entertaining them at my Halloween (boot) camp this week. The camp my daughter wanted to go to gave them a free t-shirt. I’ll give her a free t-shirt (from the laundry) and show her how to iron it.

Course schedule:

Bed making: how to get those corners right! Tricky duvet covers, put them on, without being tempted to climb in!
Breakfast: Learn how to eat a healthy first meal and clean your bowl afterwards
Exercise: Star Jumps and More!
Master the Art of the Washing Machine: Those fancy dials, find out how they work, watch your favourite t-shirt circle the machine
Cleaning Floors: have fun with mops
Cooking: how to make a fun lunch
Baking: Hallowween Pinwheel biscuits and apple pie
Under bed expedition: Like pot holing – squeeze into spaces and find old treasures once forgotten, avoid rotten apples and socks!
Hoovering: Suck up the dreadful dust mites in this game of skill, endurance and dexterity. Gain points for avoiding the Lego!
Washing up the old fashioned way: Ever wondered what we did before dishwashers? Have fun with suds and cutlery Jenga!
Televisions of yore: Press your nose against the front window waiting for something to happen, race raindrop traces with your finger before they reach the bottom.
Bouncy leaf piles: Rake up all the leaves in your parent’s garden and the surrounding neighbourhood to make a massive pile of leaves to leap about in and throw over your siblings
Conker wars: Smash your opponents conker in this time-honoured game of seasonal produce and string
Make a fancy 1970s dinner: Learn to make spag bol with pineapple and sausage on sticks for starter.
Go to bed: Yes it’s only 4pm but be like the Cavemen and sleep
when it gets dark.

This course is sure to occupy you in novel ways and is a great value alternative to a week of Minecraft or an overpriced t-shirt painting camp.

Nothing special about this writer, but…

Just found this post again and thought it still rang true. We have to keep writing, keeping hoping and striving, even when the way is unclear, the publishing world is difficult to navigate, when we don’t know if our efforts will succeed. If you liked this post and would like to receive the Head Above Water newsletter with occasional links to these motivational articles on creativity and details of courses, sign up for the newsletter here

Head Above Water

There are billions of novels out there. There are millions of fabulous writers and tales. There are well known writers who’s talent may be so so but who have captured something that connects with people. There are wonderful wordsmiths who remain obscure. There are authors who managed to get a book deal but then suffered the fate of “mid-list” authors and had to fight over and over to justify their presence on the shelves. There are authors who bypassed the traditional publishing arena and put themselves on the virtual shelves, authors who often give their writing away for free when their excellence should be paid for. There are writers in the wrong time and place and circumstance who have a more difficult task becoming known. There are writers who are hyped beyond worth. There is a laziness in the media sometimes where the same faces and the big names are…

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Head Above Water Autumn Courses (Bray) now booking

Autumn14CoursePosterUnder the banner of Head Above Water writers, I’m giving a series of classes this Autumn from Beginners to Improvers and to Flash Fiction. My signature class is Creative Practice in Busy Lives & Short Story Essentials. As a psychology and communications studies grad and busy mum, I’m very much aware of how the creative process and producing fiction requires a combination of technique, practice, talent, time, headspace and mental resilience. All these factors combine to assist the new writer in finding confidence, developing skills, producing ever-improving material and pushing through the setbacks (motivation, uncertainty, skill gaps and the vagaries of the publishing industry) to become as productive and successful a writer as possible (where ‘success’ is defined by you.) As a published short story and flash fiction writer who has now produced longer works for submission I want to share the techniques and skills I’ve learned along the way. But what I hope in particular my courses can offer is the encouragement, support and techniques for producing material within our hectic and demanding lives and to help people find mental resilience and verve in their pursuit of a creative life. For those drawn to a creative path I know how important it is for health and happiness to be able to access and develop that side and not be cut off from it through life circumstances or lack of confidence. It with this in mind that I’ve devised the following programme…

Venue: All courses this Autumn will take place in St. Peter’s Centre, (adjacent to the Coach Inn), Dublin Road, Bray, Co. Wicklow.

Creative Writing for Beginners Sunday November 2nd 10am to 1pm  35 euro

(Get Started Writing, develop ideas, understand main elements of storytelling, build your confidence) Full course details and booking.

Creative Practice in Busy Lives & Short Story Essentials Sunday Nov 16th 9.30am to 1pm 35 euro

(Suitable for Beginners and Improvers. Tips to produce writing & maintain writing verve in busy lives plus the essentials of good short story writing. Full course details and booking

Short Story Intensive Workshop (Improvers)  Sunday Nov 30th 9.30am to 1.30pm 45 euro

(Suitable for those writing a while & wanting to develop skills. We will workshop one of your existing stories (in a supportive & encouraging matter) and do further writing exercises. Interactive and full of creative energy!)

Full course details and booking

Writing Fabulous Flash Fiction Sunday Dec 7th 10am to 1pm 35 euro

Flash Fiction is the epitome of writing verve! This versatile, short form is ideal for readers and writers who want to pack meaning and entertainment into bite-sized chunks. With many publishing outlets for material, flash fiction is the perfect way to sharpen writing skills and raise your profile in the writing world. This course will help you produce competent, unique and memorable short fiction.

Full course details and booking


Please share these details particularly with those in the Wicklow and Dublin areas. For each of the courses I hope that you will go home energized and motivated to pursue your creative endeavours. I look forward to meeting some of you there!

What is your favourite short story?

Is it possible to pick out your favourite short story? Is it like with music, does it depend on mood? We all have our favourite authors, genres and styles of writing. So if you were pressed, could you identify your favourite story? Is it something nostalgic that you read at a particular point in your life or something from a recent work that really sits with you. Well, I got the opportunity to explore these questions on the fantastic Short Story Website Story Ireland when they asked me to identify ‘The One’. My favourite story is A Stone Woman by A.S. Byatt from The Little Black Book of Stories. You can read why I love the story so much here.

In the meantime I’d love to hear what your favourite story is and why you like it so much. I’m always on the lookout for recommendations and can’t wait to hear what you suggest.